07/13/2005 Archived Entry: "Comments?"
Going to turn on Comments from here on out, to see what happens. Because, hey, why not?
Jason laments on divorce. It is a depressing read, both because their divorce is such a blow to Jason, and also because it's sad to see anyone go through the crap he's having to go through. Putting aside all questions of who's right and who's wrong and looking at the situation in a vacuum, I feel sympathy and sadness. On one hand, there is a certain parity between us because he's lost his wife, and I've lost my brother. Neither Jason nor I believed either of those things would happen, but they have. The sense of loss is similar.
On the other hand, my brother was taken from me by an angry Iraqi with a 155 millimeter mortar shell; no choice on my part was involved. Jason lost Kim through a combination of the choices they both made--their divorce is a result of their actions. This skews things, because it introduces amounts of anger and regret into the equation that wouldn't otherwise be there.
At this point, their divorce is inevitable; they've been separated for more than a year (I'm fuzzy on the exact dates--it might be two years now), they live in different states, Kim is trying to move on with her life, and there are very real legal ties binding them together that are preventing either of them from doing any moving on at all. There are questions of property, ownership, division--all the legal rambling that must be dealt with when a marriage contract is voided. Until they're divorced, anything of financial or legal significance they're involved with is colored by the existence of a spouse. For those reasons, if for no other, the divorce needs to happen.
Or, as my marriage counselor said before The Wife and I were married, "It takes two people to keep a relationship alive, but only one to end it."
Blah. So here I sit with words and advice and observations, but I don't want to talk to Jason about it. I've not asked him because I don't want to hurt him by having him talk about it, and damned if I'm going to give advice unsolicited--plus, given my own circumstances, what can I possibly say that isn't preachy or high-and-mighty?
Better to just be his friend and be there for him. At least, I think so.
Replies: 2 comments
Look, comments!
Posted by Keeper @ 07/13/2005 01:56 PM CST
I don't think that there is much that you can do except be there for your friend. I'd imagine he'll let you know if there is something he wants to talk about. Silently supportive has always been the best course for me personally when I am unsure how to proceed. Yeah, it sucks, but at least it is unlikely to cause more problems, right?
Posted by Bejita463 @ 07/13/2005 05:12 PM CST
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