05/02/2003 Archived Entry: "Robot pet"

I was standing in Massurah's cubicle a few minutes ago and we were discussing that most weighty and important of matters--where to go for lunch. The conversation was meandering and I mentioned that I sometimes wish that I had a pet; I grew up with pets and I sometimes miss having them. I mentioned this to Massurah, and he said that having pets is fun, but you have to take care of them--clean up poop, take them outside and to the vet, feed them, and a whole bunch of other crap. I nodded, remembering how awful emptying a litterbox can be and how much I hated taking a dog outside on a bombing run.

I then suggested that it would be awesome if I could have some kind of robot pet--one that would be just as wonderful and cuddly as a real pet, but not have any actual needs of its own. That way, it would be playful and happy 100% of the time and would never need to be fed or treated for anything, or whatever. Massurah said that would be a great idea, right up to the point where the robot pet goes insane and tries to kill me. I responded that my robot pet would have a hardwired kill-switch on it that I would toggle, and then I would throw its lifeless robot body in the dumpster. Then Massurah instructed me to envision the body of my fluffy robot dog buried in the dumpster later that night, as its eyes begin glowing red and it switches over to backup emergency power, and it heaves itself up out of the trash and begins shambling toward my front door, intent on my destruction.

Maybe a robot pet wouldn't be such a good idea. Why do robots always have to go insane?!

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